Rarely do my husband and I sleep in separate rooms. This week, though, he is suffering through a double ear infection and a sinus infection. Our little boy is recovering from a virus as well, so I really am taking measures to give my immune system its best shot so we don’t all fall apart. Even still, sometimes I feel like it’s all falling apart in our discombobulated state and I wonder how I can possibly scrub one more sink full of dishes or deal with one more load of laundry on top of trying to care for a tiny human, shepherd his heart, make soup for my husband, and do all of my other responsibilities. I’m a planner. I don’t like when things don’t go according to plan. It makes me feel weak and if I’m being honest—-sometimes like I might not be enough.
Anyway…back to my solo sleeping the past couple nights. It’s been so quiet. My dear husband’s freight train snoring is not there to keep me awake. Just my thoughts. Just the quiet. And I can hear God a little better.
Frequently, I quote Psalm 139 to people to encourage them or speak life over their children and comfort into hard realities like miscarriage. I speak it over my little boy all the time about how he is fearfully and wonderfully made. I spoke it over our first child, who God took home early from my womb in my first pregnancy. That whole passage brings such comfort and such joy no matter what the circumstances.
But do you know what I heard God whisper to my soul the other night? I heard Him say, “You know, you’re fearfully and wonderfully made, too, Emily.” Out of nowhere. I don’t mean audibly. I just mean soulfully from His Word which I’ve hidden in my heart and His Spirit living inside of my heart.
Wow. It’s not often that I think about that element of my own self. It’s so easy to spill out words of encouragement or perspective for someone else with those reminders of how they are created fearfully and wonderfully. But me? I don’t feel so wonderful about myself sometimes. If I could choose one word to describe how I usually feel and have it stamped on my forehead just so that everyone knows, I would say that I feel B E H I N D on everything.
I can acknowledge those feelings. That’s fine. But I can’t let myself fall into the trap of being identified by that title or feeling. No. Because God says otherwise.
God says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by Him.
I carry such value even when I can’t get my act together simply because He has made me fearfully and wonderfully.
That doesn’t mean I can just quit in what He’s places before me for this day or tomorrow or next year.
But it does mean that I can quit identifying myself by my lack and see the tender, intricate, thoughtful way the God of the Universe has made me: fearfully and wonderfully.
Maybe you’re always the encourager of people and you forget to encourage yourself sometimes.
This one’s for you.
You’re fearfully and wonderfully made, too, girl. You really are. Listen to God whisper that to your soul on repeat today.