The past week has had me feeling pretty dejected and discouraged about life in general. A series of personal events on top of the elections have led me to a point where it is a struggle to feel too great about life and this world. I’ll be honest with you, I’ve felt a loss of words in my conversation with the Lord the past week and I wasn’t prepared to have Him confront me about that. Finally, I cracked open the Bible and ended the silence.
I played Bible Russian Roulette…you know…how you flip open your Bible to whatever passage it falls on. Only this time, I was a little more directed in my game because I wanted something from Psalms…preferably one of those passages where David’s all like, “Lord, my enemies are all around me…save me…help me…smite them.” Instead, it fell open to Psalm 139.
The thing that I’ve been most upset about with the outcome of the elections is the blatant support of the murder of millions of innocent lives through legalizing abortions. The election of officials who are working so hard to bring such an evil thing into legalization just made me wonder why we should even bother. I know deep down that there are many points to life… chiefly to bring glory to God through all circumstances. I just get angry when a good life is so opposed. What is a good life? “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8).
I just can’t stop grieving about this. I think it’s because I’m getting older and realize the precious gift that life is. These human beings are denied the opportunity of ever growing up to vote or to leave any kind of mark on this world. For crying out loud…one of those babies could find the cure for cancer some day! Their voices are denied. Justice is denied. Mercy is denied. The opportunity for them to walk humbly with their God is denied. My journey to Psalm 139 reminded me of one of our strongest Biblical defenses against abortion as David divinely remarked, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.”
So that’s the surface of what God wanted to show me through that passage. The rest was a much deeper investigation of what was going on with myself. David (my David- not the Psalmist- ha!) gave me the assignment to write down five truths from God’s word that day. So, here’s what I came up with….
1. God already knows my thoughts, so I might as well talk them out with Him. (Duh.) I already knew that, but God saw fit to remind me in my stubborn silence…”Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord” (Psalm 139:4).
2. He wrote the book of my life before I was even born. I should realize that He has plans for each stage of my life and it’s not guaranteed to be a placid lake once a certain storm is calmed. It’s going to be an ocean with unexpected (to me) ebbs and flows. He knows how to handle all of them because He knows exactly what is coming and He’s the ruler of the seas…“If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast” (Psalm 139:9-10). “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:16). My crazy notions for how I plan for my life to go are totally unfounded. Sure, I have hopes, dreams, and goals. But all of those fall second fiddle to what God has penned in my life. If those ambitions happen to match the text of my pre-written life, then great. If not, I’ve got to recognize that He is the master planner of my life…not me. My life is a book, not a calendar. It is an intricately planned story in it that fits in with the volumes of all time that our Creator has already put in writing. That must be why they call it “penciling in” when referring to a calendar. Plans that we come up with are always subject to change. The stories we live are written in permanent ink.
3. Even when I die, one thing remains constant as I transition from this life to the next, He never stops being with me. “When I awake, I am still with you” (Psalm 139:18B).
4. He knows how I think, feel, and act…no sense trying to hide that from Him. There are tons of things He is there to help me work through by His grace. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24).
5. My thoughts are not a surprise to Him. “O Lord, you have searched me and you know me” (Psalm 139:1).
So there you have it… Bible Russian Roulette at it’s finest. He struck me with these bullets of truth and killed my silence. The funny thing is, even in my silence, he searched me and knew me and drew me to Himself like He always does. I’m so glad that His right hand holds me fast no matter what sea billows roll into my life. And no matter what my reaction is to those tempests of life, He loves me anyway.